Good morning brothers and sisters. I’m going to share a testimony and a message about who God is, about who we are, and truth that sets us free. I’m asking you to be transparent and examine your hearts.
The title of this message is, “Four Ways To View A Woman.” In a sense I am directing this message specifically to the men, but quickly you will see that it applies to everyone. Men, when a girl or woman crosses your path there are four ways in line with God’s heart to view her, to interact with her, to encourage her.
As a preliminary, I have to share with you how I viewed people before God revealed Himself to me and Christ came into my life six years ago. My views of people were shaped by the elemental spirits of this world (lust, greed, and pride). They were shaped by my peers and the western, individualistic culture we live in. They were greatly shaped by the beliefs and values of my father and mother, and I grew up in a home where pornography and the hidden things of shame (shameful secrets and ungodly views) were present. I often tell people, “my daddy didn’t know how to love me;” neither my mom nor my dad knew the affirming love of a father or the Father.
I viewed people as rivals, threats, competitors, obstacles, pawns, and pieces of meat for my consumption. People were either a hindrance or a help; objects that blocked or impeded my selfish desires, or subjects that helped facilitate or advance my selfish desires. I didn’t know truth and I didn’t know love—I didn’t know Jesus. I made my decisions based on emotions—to avoid pain and gain pleasure. I didn’t have wisdom, I didn’t have understanding. I didn’t know how to properly give love and I didn’t know how to receive love.
2 Corinthians 5:16 instructs us to regard no one according to the flesh. Christ died to create the new man; a man that no longer judges after the flesh. Men are spiritual beings who are to exist forever. Christ died so that all men could be made into new creatures and into new men.
We desperately need a proper view of ourselves and others informed by the gospel. A person’s value isn’t determined according to their flesh—not by their appearance, not their abilities, not their possessions, not their position, nor their reputation. Most people put their existential hope in their flesh—this is called idolatry and it leads to separation, judgment, and death.
If you believe that your value is according to your flesh, what happens when the thing that you have measured and defined yourself by, or seek to define yourself by, is lost, removed or altered? You would then lose your perceived value and fall into condemnation and despair. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “the struggle of the natural man is self-justification.” In addition—by default, if I am exalting myself according to the flesh I necessarily compare myself to others—looking up to a few and down on the masses. Comparing ourselves to others creates division and separation and opposes God’s perfect will. When we measure ourselves by ourselves and compare ourselves with ourselves, we are not wise.
God does not regard you according to the flesh. Jesus said to the religious leaders of that time, “You judge according to the flesh; I judge no one.” I believe Jesus is speaking to all of us. Jesus does not make a determination about us according to the flesh. He does not form a judgment about us based on appearance, ability, age, race, gender, family, or experience. Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart.
Every soul is precious, created for God’s glory. What is the value of a soul? Only the blood of the Christ can define the value of a soul. The Lord does not want anyone to perish but desires that everyone repents. God desires all men and women to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. His word is truth.
If God paid such a high price for your soul, what does that say about Him? Is He not the Lover of your soul? God would rather suffer a brutal, horrific death that not have you with Him. What does that say about you? What does that say about your eternal value? You are precious, and honored, and He loves you. At this very moment He knows the number of hairs on your head. He knows the thoughts passing through your minds and the intents and motives of your hearts.
Everything about you and me is laid bare before God and He desires—He who created you—desires that you receive His love and be forgiven. Will you allow the Word and Spirit of God to heal and restore your soul? Will you come to know the depths of His love for you, the precious peace of mind that surpasses all understanding, and the inexpressible joy that flows from knowing the Savior?
Before Christ plucked me from certain death and pulled me out of the pit of death and destruction six years ago, I generally viewed woman as pieces of meat, obstacles, or tools to get what I wanted. There were times that I regarded them as friends or companions on shallow terms, and there were times I viewed them as threats or competitors, largely in my work life. But ultimately, they were all tramps or fools—that’s what I believed. But God. A couple months after being born-again by the Spirit of God, the words of Jesus pierced through my heart—in Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus stated:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Praise God, He gives us spiritual eyes to see. My thought life was wrapped around the axle of false beliefs, continually producing rotten fruit. And the words of Jesus cut into my heart like a bolt of lightning and I began to be transformed by the renewal of my mind and set free from the ungodly beliefs that allowed lies to operate in my life.
If the inside of the cup is clean the outside of the cup will also be clean. It is therefore necessary to replace ungodly beliefs with truth, and we will review some biblical truth with respect to viewing girls and women shortly. If I don’t entertain a lustful thought then my behavior automatically follows suit. Do you see that? God is faithful to bless you with His love and truth—He wants you to inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21 says:
“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
Listen to me. Do not condemn yourself when you have a lustful, violent, or ungodly thought. When a lustful thought passes through the theater of your mind, you do not condemn yourself. Many of your thoughts do not come from your heart, they emanate from the spiritual realm. God calls us to exercise our faith by holding that thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). We apply truth to the lie and walk in the light. Everyone has ungodly thoughts—it is what you do with the thought that matters.
The thief came to kill, steal, and destroy, but the Son of God appeared to destroy the works of the devil. Exercise your faith in the Son of God by speaking truth to the lie. In this way you glorify God.
In Zechariah chapter three, as Satan was tempting Joshua the high priest, the LORD stated, “Is not this man a burning stick being snatched from the fire?” Many times spiritual oppression is so intense it feels like I am a burning stick being pulled from a fire. Guard your heart! Stand on truth.
There were times as a baby Christian where I was so overwhelmed with a spirit of lust I literally locked myself in a bathroom and just praised Jesus, lifting holy hands, for being the Lover of my soul, healing my heart, delivering me from false beliefs and unclean spirits, and giving me eternal life with Him. I would cry out to Him, confessing my identity as a son in Christ Jesus. “Hallelujah! My King will never fail me nor forsake me.” As I began to mature in Christ I begged God to give me eyes to hate the sin of sexual lust after falling time and again; and then one day He did, and when I saw the depths of deception and destruction caused by lust in this world I was brought to my knees in holy tears. Are you mourning over sin—your own and the sin of the world?
Men, how do we view girls and women in line with God’s Word? In the Bible, God presents Himself as both a Father and Mother figure in the lives of His people. Men and women are equals but have different roles and callings, to God’s glory. Men, pray for all girls and women. Here are the four ways to view them:
1. As a mother figure
The Bible exhorts us to encourage older women as we would our mothers; God commands us to respect and honor our mothers. [1 Timothy 5:2, Leviticus 19:3, Deuteronomy 5:16]
2. As a sister figure
With regard to women who are not old enough to be your mother, along with maturing girls (Cultural Note: According to Jewish law, when Jewish girls become 12 years old, they become accountable for their actions and become a bar mitzvah), we are to encourage as sisters. We are to love and honor our sisters. We are to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. And view them in all purity—Leviticus 18 commands us not to uncover the nakedness of a sister. [1 Timothy 5:2, Romans 12:10, Ephesians 4:32, Leviticus 18:9]
3. As a daughter figure
In these current times of accelerating darkness and depravity, we are to maintain a high level of awareness when it comes to protecting children. Children are a blessing and a reward from God, do not despise them. Grand-children are a crown to the aged. [Psalm 82:4, Matthew 18:6, Psalm 127:3-5, Matthew 18:10, Proverbs 17:6]
4. As a wife or potential wife
The Bible says that the woman is the glory of a man. We become one-flesh with our wives before God; therefore, this is to be the most intimate relationship, spiritually and physically, in your life. We are to live with our wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel and love them as Christ loves the church (sacrificial love). A husband is not to deprive his wife of her conjugal rights. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord, and we are called to love our wives as our own bodies. [1 Corinthians 11:7, Mark 10:8, 1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25, 1 Corinthians 7:5, Proverbs 18:22, Ephesians 5:28]
A Final Thought
Holy Spirit has shown me that if I am not proactively viewing others through the lenses of truth and love, the enemy has an abundance of opportunities to tempt me into sin—especially when I am driving in traffic! It is important to make a practice of thanking God for the precious souls in my perimeter, as they cross my path.
There are many times that I find myself, not only proclaiming truth in my mind as I walk through market places or public spaces, but asking Father God to bless the souls around me: “Father, I thank you for this soul you created, and I pray that you draw him today to Christ Jesus and that you would bless him and overwhelm his heart with Your love and truth.”
Frequently God puts specific individuals or families on my heart to intercede: “Father, thank you for putting this soul on my heart. I ask You to lead me into intercession for her and her family. I ask you to give her a heart to trust in You above all things. I pray that she would be set free by truth and that your Word would crush any false beliefs that allow lies to operate in her life. And that her value, her worthiness, her identity comes from You, God.”
I need to make a critical point here—if I am not regularly spending time with my heavenly
Father it is impossible to sustain a proactive heart for souls. As I spend time with God, I
tug on His heart strings, “please Father, let me see people through Your eyes today.”
And if you have a hard time believing who God says you are you will not be able to receive God’s love and pour it out to others. I encourage you to confess sonship before your Father. Thank Him for forgiveness, redemption, healing and deliverance in Christ Jesus. Thank Him for loving you with an everlasting love. Confess that He is the Lover of your soul and thank Him for new mercies every day and overcoming grace. Praise Him for being faithful. Brothers and sisters, His love is for you.